It’s been a month since I went to the doctor and got my diagnosis (and a lofty bill). I stopped running. Completely. Even when I was late for class, I speed walked. I did everything I could to not run and keep up my fitness. I thought that I’d be better by now, but I’m not. I thought that spinning could replace the joy of running, it does not. I need my sprints. I need my speed. I need my endorphins. I need to cross the finish line once again.
I haven’t gone back to the doctor yet, mainly because I’m in the midst of finals, but I already have an idea of what will be said. Obviously running long distances is out of the question since I’m still in pain.
I’m not entirely sure where to go from here. I thought that it would be enough to finally be honest with myself and acknowledge that I’m injured and stop running. But I’m still not better yet. And I don’t know when I will be.
I haven’t been injured for this long in a while. I sprained my ankle 7 years ago, and it took months to heal, but that was before I could even run one mile without being out of breath. I’m pretty sure that when the doctor told me I couldn’t run, I was happy about it!
Sometimes, I wish I felt that way now. Instead, I find myself searching for spring races that I am likely unable to train for. Of course, it isn’t the end of the world, but running filled a huge void for me. It’s empty again.
Not running forced me to realize how empowered running made me feel. I remember leaving work on a Friday and going to bed early just so I could get up and run a 12 miler on Saturday. I remember when I was training for my last race in 2017 and all I did was go to work, run, eat, and sleep. It was an intense schedule, but I was so immersed in it. I would talk about running to everyone and anyone.
I’m hoping to heal soon, but I really have no idea. I think what I’ve learned in the past month is how injuries can really impact your entire being- mind and body. It’s important to continuously check in with yourself to see how you’re thinking and feeling. Being out of your normal routine will feel strange. It’s been a month and it still feels weird to me to not be constantly searching online for new sprint workouts. I don’t know if I’ll shake that feeling anytime soon.
This isn’t to say that I’m giving up. I’m just looking for other ways to continue to move forward. I haven’t found a cardio workout that I really enjoy yet, but I’m still keeping up with BBG (I’m in Week 15 now). I’ll be traveling over the holidays and I plan to use this time to check out new fitness classes (low impact ones of course) to hopefully fall in love with something else.